Ah relationships. Why do I always end up writing about them? Why is it that in my head I am always so career focused and then I miss morning classes because I wanted to look good for that guy?
Well…I got a boyfriend. Ex-boyfriend. Lasted a month. I honestly thought it would last longer even though all the signs said otherwise.
- Jumped into a relationship after knowing him for 2 days – Check
- Shared absolutely no common interests with him – Check
- Did not like his friend group – Check
And yet…I fell for him. Cared enough for the first time in a very long time to actually try. I have been saying ‘ah fuck it’ to relationships for so long that my friends were actually bewildered when they saw me trying.
I always knew trying was good. Shows you are ready to be in an adult relationship. But at what point does it become too much? At what point does it become not worth it?
I told him that I don’t know how to make it work. He assured me that we are fighting so much because we don’t know each other yet and that we should work on it. I agreed and decided to give it time. He broke up with me the next day.
I have never been dumped before. It was a very strange day, filled with my friends trying to cheer me up and me not being able to feel comfortable in my happy place. I wanted to stop thinking so I turned to music and discovered that fall out boys are perfect for days like this one. 
Now he wants to get back together…and I don’t know what to do.
On one hand..I can’t trust him anymore and I keep thinking of what a crap boyfriend he was. He wouldn’t walk me home when I was sick, always wanted to hang out with his friends, got very ‘physical’ with his female friends, didn’t understand my sense my humor, kept checking his phone and looking around when we were together…and the list goes on.
And yet…whenever I see him, I want him to be mine and I can’t figure out why.
Is it because I like the attention? But I have enough of that and plus he doesn’t give me that for more than 5 minutes.
Is it because he is good looking and I think I would never be able to do any better? But I have done better in the past and I know I will meet so many more people in my life.
I don’t know. I don’t know what it is that is making me tolerate the hour of crap to get those 5 minutes of happiness.
….what’s making me want to go back
when I know you don’t want me the same way I want you
Life inside the ring road 